Dear Abby: I’m developing anger issues in my relationship – how can I keep my cool?

DEAR ABBY: I have anger issues that were passed down through the men in my family. My mother is a strong woman and wouldn’t let my father go too far, but still, the influence is there.

As a young adult, I realize that I am exhibiting the same behavior as my father.

I have never raised my hand to anyone. I can stay calm when arguing with my girlfriend. I usually calmly ask him to lower his voice and change his tone.

When she gets animated, I feel bottled up. I would never forgive myself if I did something I regret.

I want to raise children and be a devoted father and husband. I imagine myself as a strong and reliable person within my circle of family and friends.

Please give me some tips to keep my temper tantrums under control. thank you –– JOSEPH IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR JOSEPH: You are an intelligent and insightful young man, and for that I congratulate you. You didn’t mention what causes the arguments with your girlfriend. Knowing the cause of breakouts can prevent them from erupting.

Saying: “We both feel strongly about this. Can we discuss it another time?” and going for a walk can help regain a calmer perspective.

Your father’s outbursts are another matter. He can be someone who takes out his frustrations on the innocent people around him.

While anger is something that everyone experiences at one point or another, most people learn to control it during childhood. Clearly your father did not.

The excuse that “fun in the family” is unacceptable. Threats of violence are frightening. Acting against them is against the law.

My booklet, “The Anger in All of Us and How to Handle It” contains suggestions for managing and constructively channeling anger in various situations.

It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus a check or money order for $8 (US funds) to Dear Abby Anger Brochure, PO Box 447, Mt. Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

We are living in a time when the level of anger in our society has reached new heights. As we have seen all too often in the media, explosive anger is the most dangerous of all.

I’ve mentioned before that maybe conflict resolution and anger management should be taught in schools to help people communicate more effectively in a healthy way.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for 10 years. She is the first and only woman I have ever been with.

I keep finding myself looking at porn, talking to other women online and asking them for pictures. I don’t know why I do this and I don’t want to continue on this path.

What would be the first step to show my wife that I am serious about getting this big problem out of the way? — SEE A PROBLEM IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ‘WATCH’: A strong step in the right direction would be to tell your wife that you realize your online activities have gotten out of control and to start talking about them with a licensed psychotherapist.

There are also 12-step groups you can find online to help you kick the habit. I congratulate you for taking the first step by writing to me.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.