DEAR ABBY: I am a thin middle-aged woman born into a family of women who have always struggled with weight. For as long as I can remember, I have been subjected to nasty attacks and microaggressions about my weight.
My siblings have always kept a close watch on my waist for clues I could gain. I’ve also been bullied and ostracized by them, and I’ve long suspected that it’s because of my weight. Depending on my lifestyle and the season, my weight fluctuates by about 10 kilograms.
When traveling family members visit, I always hear, “You’re so skinny! I’m so jealous!” Or, if I’ve gained a few pounds, “You look really healthy!” None of the other women in my family are on the receiving end of these unwanted comments and I feel objectified and shamed by it all.
I am more than a body. I am a kind and caring human being who just wants to be accepted and respected by the family members I love, despite their annoying comments. How can I get them to stop seeing me as a body and start seeing me as the caring human being that I am? I want these comments to stop. – MADE IN CALIFORNIA
Dear Thin: It may be time to approach these relatives and say something like this:
“For years I have watched you struggle unsuccessfully with your weight. Honestly, it has made me feel guilty for being skinny. It’s possible that I was born with a higher metabolism than the rest of you, which is not my fault. In all this time, I have never commented on your weight. So please, from now on, don’t comment about me, because I think it’s embarrassing for all of us.”
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DEAR ABBY: My husband hates my sister with special needs. He allowed her to come on a short break but said she was horrible, annoying and a bad influence on the kids. She doesn’t swear or do anything inappropriate. She is lazy and fat, but the kids love her and want her to come. He also yells at me if she calls, which she sometimes does because I am her legal guardian and manage her funds. He wants me to stop doing it and turn it over completely to the state.
I love my sister and it breaks my heart that he hates her, doesn’t want her to visit once a year for a few days and accuses me of not caring about his feelings or listening to him.
He is under a lot of stress and just hates having her around. Should I cut ties with my sister to make her happy? – FIRED IN TWO IN ONE JERSEY
Dear Withdrawn: It sounds like you married a selfish, unsupportive, controlling man who lacks empathy for people with disabilities. I hope you will not give in to his questions and abandon your sister who needs you. He has no right to scold you for fulfilling a family obligation. If he can’t stand her visit, maybe HEY should take a little break during the few days she is with you. Draw the line and insist on it before it swallows you whole.
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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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